Author Archives: Brad

August 1, 2011

Two Terrific Years

By Brad

This past weekend marked the two-year anniversary of the end of my wife’s maternity leave and the beginning of my emotional and most rewarding journey as Stay-At-Home Daddy to my precious Madeleine. I cannot stress enough how grateful and honored I am to be with her every single waking minute and watching her grow into a wonderful and very intelligent little girl.

But for this post I wanted to share some of the things I learned in these two years as a SAHD. Some quick little tips for the other SAHD’s out there.

1. Keep smiling. No matter how bad a day you may have or a bad week even, tomorrow will most likely be better. The laugh and smile of a child can erase the worse feelings.

2. Maintain composure. I will be the first to admit that this is the toughest for me with my bad temper but the guilt I feel after yelling or temporarily losing my sanity to a toddler outweighs the anger. Try not to feel so bad because your child’s love is just as great as yours and will soon forget the minor incident after his/her nap. But don’t think this is a good reason to lose control.

3. Always be prepared. I was going to write a whole post based on my SAHD Survival Bag. I’m still on the hunt for a nice MALE-style diaper/baby bag [I SHOULD INVENT ONE MYSELF RIGHT?] but for now I’m using [appropriately or ironically] my work messenger bag. Some of the essential items besides wipes and diapers are:
Bendy straws; I noticed most diners and restaurants only give kids’ drinks with straight straws and thus creating more mess and frustration for us and Maddie.
Napkins; Self explanatory but always needed.
Kleenex; See Napkins
Batteries; You never know and a toy that doesn’t run is like Hell for a toddler sometimes.
Roll of quarters; Does your kid love those dumb arcade rides outside stores and inside malls? Well not everyone takes dollars or has a change machine.
Crayons; I really started putting these in again for dining out. On two occasions the diners’ crayons were so old and dry they didn’t even write.
Burp cloth; For larger spills and heaven-forbid vomit.
Juice Boxes; Always a good idea, especially for the car.
Snacks; Again like Juice Boxes, in case they are extra whiny or stuck in the car for too long. I prefer Goldfish or Craisins.
Utensils; Not every place has decent plastic kind plus it’s always better to supply your own.
Fast Food/restaurant coupons; Not so much for them but for you in case you need a quick lunch or for the mall food courts.
Small First Aid Kit; Especially with band-aids!

4. Bring a towel. Ever go to the playground and forgot it rained a lot the day before and pools of water have collected at the bottom of every slide and on the swings? Good idea to keep a cheap towel in your vehicle.

5. Don’t give up. Kids could be more relentless and demanding then any crack addict on withdrawal. The more you as a parent give in the more the kids will take. Never let up and never worry about being the bad guy because they will learn and have to learn that no-one ever always gets what they want. This could go for sleeping as well. Yes the crying is heart-breaking but they need that nap or a good nights’ sleep. You give them that extra inch you will lose a foot. Believe me. Which also leads to…

7. Choose your battles! Not every little thing they want/need/whine for is important enough to us to fight them over. I learned that some things aren’t worth the aggravation as long as I feel that letting Mads have her way will not lead to worse behavior. I tell myself countless times “It’s OK she plays with [such-&-such], it’s not a big deal.” For instance Maddie used to go over to my bookshelf whenever she followed me to the office and would routinely pull out a dozen or so books just for fun and curiosity. I never let my tidiness get the better of me and would often let her b/c she’s not ripping the books up. Most times I would even leave the books on the floor for weeks until I felt the need to clean them up.

6. Mind your manners and watch your tongue. I’ve seen kids repeat the most innocent of phrases to the worst words imaginable. I’ve learned to bite my tongue, especially while driving and to cut out the cussing. I now use words like ‘poopy’, ‘bozo’, ‘creep’, and ‘imbecile’ more often than I used to. Also Maddie is very good at saying ‘please’ ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’ appropriately more and more as she’s learning to communicate and it’s not just because we force her to use those phrases but because we, too, use those phrases. Kids pick up on our behavior a lot so what you do and say has to be decent.

7. Have Fun! I know this is corny and sounds unnecessary to say but the more fun you have with your kids makes all the difference. I can’t imagine just sitting around the house simply watching Maddie do her thing alone. I seldom wake up unenthusiastic with my day with her. I wake up happy and looking forward to playing and laughing and learning with her. She is my life and she’s making it a happy one despite being home alone with a toddler and my career on hold. If I make her laugh it’s worth more than a weeks’ paycheck. I play with her toys and puzzles, watch her shows and movies countless times and beam when she tries and likes a new food. I marvel at the life I co-created and how patient, generous, smart, happy and loving she is, not just at me but our family and friends. It’s not always easy being a big kid at heart but my daughter makes me one more-so and for that I cannot thank her enough.

And it’s only getting better and better…

3 Comments   |  tags: | posted in Advice, Child raising, Daddy blog, SAHD, Stay at home Dad

July 26, 2011

Hooray For Hollywood

By Brad

A few days ago we successfully attempted to take Maddie to her first feature-length movie at the cinemas. Happy to report she sat through the 10-12 minutes of loud, annoying and underwhelming previews; a 5-minute short and the whole hour-and-10-minute movie — Winnie The Pooh. It was great. She ate popcorn [she called them corn-pops!] and drank both her juice and the small lemonade we purchased. She was mostly quiet, although no louder than the other dozen kids in a kids’ flick. She showed enthusiasm towards the screen [“It’s POOH BEAR!!!!”] and even asked “More Pooh Bear” when the credits were rolling. She was a bit antsy and moved her location a few times [from my lap to her own seat to Mommy’s lap, etc.] but between this experience and last week’s plane trips I’d say she is a great patient kid…more than I could have hoped for anyway.

Another great thing about her first cinema experience is that I am a HUGE movie buff/geek. I literally own over 3,000 DVDs, have countless toys, books and other merchandise regarding films and drive my wife crazy with movie-quoting although I try to tell her that all my friends, really good friends, communicate via movie quote frequently. My first cinema experience I was two years old as well [The Empire Strikes Back!!] and I was really wishing and hoping that my daughter would be good in the movies as well. After the movies Maddie kept asking us to go see Pooh again and I promised her that in the coming weeks her and I will go again. I love going to the movies, always have and with a decent-sized cinema literally within 15-minute walk from us I’m sure her and I will be going countless times together. Until she gets a whole bunch of friends and I have to drop her off at the mall.

PS: Also this past week I popped in Toy Story 3 for Maddie, who funnily enough knows who Woody, Buzz and Jessie are from other Disney books and toys she owns. Besides the 20-minute TV shows she knows and loves I really haven’t shown her a feature before and wanted something different to show her and much to my surprise she really likes it. Well, I’ve only seen it once with Wendy when the DVD came out and I was told that a lot of grown men were known to get misty-eyed at this movie. Well I was no exception and held back hard at the ending. Watching it again with Maddie I’m STILL getting chocked up, not just at the ending but at other parts of the movie. It’s crazy. A movie has never had this kind of reaction for me. Maddie has watched it about 5 times now and I still hold back tears. It’s not sad tears either but I think I’m just so happy watching it with my daughter and thinking in the coming years she may have favorite toys of her own and I can’t wait to watch her imagination with playing with them. But damn, Toy Story 3 is like cutting an onion for me. It’s worse than Terms of Endearment and Field of Dreams COMBINED!

Leave a comment | posted in Emotions, New Experiences, Toys

July 17, 2011

Maddie Got Her Wings

By Brad

…the cabin shock and jerked a little as we began our descent. The whirring and wheezing of the cabin air (or the outside air) was in constant motion. Subtle little booms were heard as well as the sound of what were perhaps the plane’s wheels bays opening. As we touched down on the runway the slight whiplash occurred for a few seconds as the plane struggled to maintain control and slow down. The plane is now at a low and easy speed as we taxi into our terminal. And the little girl who is in my arms, not because she was scared but more or less bored from sitting still in a stuffy airplane cabin, gave out a very enthusiastic “HOORAY!!” and then promptly fell asleep on my shoulder.

She took her map there on my shoulder for the next half-hour as we exited the plane and walked to the baggage claim. All that time I kept thinking: This is hands-down my favorite moment of our week long trip.

We took Maddie on a week long vacation before to a beach resort town in a nice 2-bedroom condo last summer when she was still 1 and a half-ish. We drove down and she had her own room to sleep and nap. It was a trying yet manageable nice vacation and a good time for all I’d say. This year we were invited by my folks to join them in their Bermudian timeshare for the week along with my brother and his wife. Truth be told both me and my wife (and my mother) were a bit reluctant and nervous about taking the trip because of the traveling and Maddie’s possible terrible twos. We agreed though because it sounded like a great trip to take and with all the family members it might assist us and Maddie in being well-behaved.

Turns out our anxiety was a tad overstated. Maddie was in excellent form, very well-behaved and was very patient with everything from waiting at the airport, customs, the actual plane rides, the lunches and dinners and the bus rides and ferry rides as well. In fact we think she liked the many new modes of transportations she experienced this past week, especially the bus as she sang “The Wheels On The Bus” and pointed out the sights along the many twists and turns on Bermuda’s roads. She napped and slept well as per her usual and ate like a champ. Our only complaint about her was she didn’t like the beaches (not sure if it was the heat, sand or wind that bugged her) but she loved the pool, so it wasn’t the worst thing, although traveling that great distance to a tropical island with great crystal clear water beaches only to stay poolside was kind of a bummer.

So it turned out to be a great and wonderful vacation after all and we have my parents and brother and sister-in-law to thank for helping out and being loving and supportive.

However, and this is in no way a slight to my folks, but my wife and I realized that this was not really a vacation for her and I. We think it’ll be at least a decade to get to a point of a real vacation again for us. As parents with a young kid (and if we add more kids) vacations are really not vacations but being a parent in a new locale. We really didn’t sight-see nor relax poolside/beachside. Even dinners weren’t much different with us eating quick and on alert making sure she was behaved and helping her eat. Until the kids are preteens I would say traveling and vacationing will be really worthwhile. I think even my own mom would agree with me there.

But after all the fun things we did together and all the great meals we did in fact have, coming home again with a very happy child asleep on my shoulder was the best moment I received.

1 Comment | posted in Daddy blog, Emotions, New Experiences

June 19, 2011

Happy Poppa’s Day

By Brad

This morning my wife got my daughter as I still lay half-asleep in bed and as they approached me my adorable 25-month-old says “Happy Father’s Day, Daddie!” every word said with perfect enunciation. It nearly brought tears to my eyes and has made this Father’s Day a perfect day so far.

I wish all my fellow Fathers out there a very happy Father’s Day…Especially all the Stay-At-Homes! It takes a lot more to be a good Dad then to work for a living to provide for your family. I’m not saying I’m special because I’m the one home raising, teaching and playing with my daughter but I am light-years away from my own father who was a horrible example of a good father in every aspect of the role. Anyone could be a father but it takes a lot of love, patience and dedication to be a good Dad. I learned that at an early age and I’m proud to say I’m learning from those bad examples.

2 Comments | posted in Emotions

June 2, 2011

Testing the [bath]Waters

By Brad

I don’t know if this is a toddler thing or a girl thing or just a Maddie thing but she goes through these waves or phases of NOT wanting to do something that she used to do with zero complaint. In the past she has surely been on the eating roller coaster and a while back it was taking naps or going to bed. A few months ago it was simply putting on pajamas! We, as cordial parents to our little princess, would ask her which PJ’s she would like to wear to bed and each and every one we optioned for her she put down: NO! We initially thought it was a taste thing but her NO meant NOTHING. Well the cries ensued [hers, not ours] as we struggled to put on the PJs. She got over it and within a few weeks of this song-and-dance every bed-time she suddenly went back to her angelic self. Just like that.

Now it’s Bath-time. Again out of the blue she screams bloody murder the past 2 times I turned on the water. Like I’m drowning her favorite plush animal. So now I have to quickly bathe her with no assistance from her and quickly dry her and blow-dry her hair while she cries like a banshee that’s being slowly boiled alive. It’s heartbreaking and oh so frustrating at the same time. For the countless baths before this past weekend it was an alternate play area to her and just a week before she spent about an hour in the bath playing and having a grand ‘ol time. So now I’m hoping it’s again, like the other instances, a phase of hers and within a week or two it’ll suddenly be back to good and normal.

Otherwise it will surely be the Summer of the Stink!

Leave a comment | posted in Child raising, Conflict

May 23, 2011

Stay-At-Home Dad is Single-Dad for a week

By Brad

My wife is going on a business trip to Texas for 4 days this week. The longest she’s gone away from Maddie and me is 2 days/2 nights.

This is going to be interesting.

I’ll keep you all in-the-loop and let you know how I made out by Friday. Poppa Penguin will probably need a good break this Memorial Day Weekend.

**UPDATED**

Well the week went great. I totally underestimated my little girl and she was great all week…no problems at all and did not fret that mommy wasn’t at home for an extended amount of time.

Leave a comment | posted in Daddy blog, SAHD, Stay at home Dad

May 20, 2011

A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

By Brad

As a Man as well as a Stay-At-Home Dad I struggle with the reality that I am grossly outnumbered. Even though there’s zero hostility between myself and my female counterparts I have to wonder what they really think of me at the playground, pushing the stroller at the mall and at the toddler class I take Maddie to every Friday. I am highly proud and confident in the role I play now and still look forward to spending every second with my daughter but part of me ponders what the ladies and other moms think of me. Do they think I’m lazy for not working? Do they think our family is mega-rich in that I don’t need to work? Do they think I’m inferior and emasculated in society and at home? Can they possibly think I’m gay and my husband is working? Well whatever they think it really doesn’t matter much and truth be told I don’t think those things at all. I actually carry myself with a greater purpose and responsibility than that and almost with an air of superiority in that I can handle this child-raising thing better than some of my female counterparts. I hate for that last statement to sound misogynistic and that is not my intent. I mean it to sound like how minorities (and lets face it, I’m a minority in this regard) have a greater feeling of pride for what they are whether they be Black, Hispanic, Gay or Handicap. But this is not my main thesis for this particular blog post.

As I said I am a Man and a very hot-blooded one at that (check it and see 😉 and the thing I wonder most when I’m around the other moms and ladies with kids is do they think I’m attractive as a SAHD. I don’t see myself as hot but a mildly attractive guy that is more or less pleasant to look at it. Not putting myself down but I’m not that confident. However, as a confident SAHD does this make me more attractive to the moms on the playground? Or to the lady shopping at the mall as I share a lunch with Maddie at the male. Maddie, as a cute kid herself, is a chick-magnet but am I also getting some added looks because of her? I’m not really fantasizing nor am I “looking” for this unknown attention but with the whole “role-reversal” that I’m in does this somewhat automatically make me more appealing?

However, I also theorize that this could also have a polar effect on my SAHD role. The ladies could see me as a threat or even as a pervert; a somewhat sexual enigma to them. They might think I’m staring at them or lusting after them as I make sure Maddie doesn’t fall off the jungle gym. I must admit I do take peeks from time to time (it’s inevitable by nature, don’t you dare judge) to see an attractive mom at the playground. I’ve seen my fair share of cleavage, whale-tails and even ass crack either in toddler class or the park. Today’s fashion doesn’t leave as much to the imagination as it used to. And wrangling a kid leaves a woman more susceptible to leering, sorry to say. Sometimes I’m not even looking and it’s just there for everyone to see. I try best to be a perfect gentleman and give my female counterparts as much respect as I can in regards to this but as a man I sometimes can’t help it. But like I said I wonder if a woman at the playground worries more that I’m there to be a perfect lady and not show more than they should. They might’ve dressed fine or comfortable for the park where 98% of the other people there on a Thursday afternoon are other fellow women. But I get there and they get all nervous.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m just being very honest here. I consider myself a very nice, civil and even courteous man especially to my fellow ladies. I love, adore and crave my wife on a unfathomable level and she’s always my number one lady. But Maddie is also my number one and I realize I have an added responsibility to her to show how much of a gentleman I can be and to show as much respect and chivalry to women as they deserve. Because after-all I will always be her number one man.

Leave a comment | posted in SAHD, Stay at home Dad

May 18, 2011

The Baby Bottle Blues

By Brad

My wife and I fully admit we procrastinated on weaning Maddie off the bottle. Maddie loves her bottle of milk. She typically drinks 30 oz. a day, one bottle in the morning after breakfast, then one around lunchtime til her afternoon nap and her last is later in the day sometime before bedtime, never all at once but intermittently as the day progresses. She usually watches TV and sits on the couch, peacefully without a care in the world and it gives me a few moments to do something, laundry, dishes or check email. It was a good albeit faulty system and we knew it had to end. We got only negative feedback from pediatricians and not anyone else but seeing that all our peers with young kids Maddie’s age are either weaning now or are completely on cups, we felt some pressure.

We tried coaxing her to milk in a sippy cup or Dixie cup or even character-licensed cups but milk is only out of her bottles. She drinks juice out of any other receptacle but milk is only from the bottle. In the recent weeks she has been drinking less milk (down to about 1 1/2 or 2 bottles) probably due to us nagging her about drinking milk from a cup. I fully believe she was more or less weaning herself from the bottles. She could have also been humoring us for a short-while and then back to 3 full bottles. She’s crafty that way.

We had a plan after she turned 2. We would tell her that this such date on the calendar we would throw away the bottles. And we would X out each day leading up to the day. We started on a Sunday and by Wednesday she and I would throw out the bottles together. I choose a midweek day because I was foreseeing her cold turkey taking a nasty turn Thursday and Friday and perhaps by Saturday she’d be in a better state of mind. Plus my wife would be home and help the situation.

But…Maddie got a cold on Sunday. So both me and the wife said we’d postpone the cold turkey until she got better. Well the cold turned into an ear infection by Friday and she was in some pain as you can imagine. Saturday and Sunday she wasn’t in much pain at all with the medication.

But…Sunday morning I come out of the bathroom and Maddie’s crying. My wife tells me she told Maddie NO MORE bottles. NEVER! I was a bit taken aback as you can imagine. A little betrayed if that’s the right word but definitely angry at her for not consulting me on this (I was only taking a dump in the other room—She couldn’t wait to ask me? At least ask me through the door for chrissakes!). Well anyway for the main reason that this needed to be done and she fired the first shot let’s fight the battle out and see what happens. (me and the wife had a little “chat” afterwards) Much to my surprise my wife didn’t really think things through planning-wise and was just shooting from the hip. So we had to improvise this new plan. Also surprisingly Maddie didn’t kick and scream as much as we thought she would. We have seen her even-keel temperament and her easily adaptable attitude before but you just never know how your kid will react especially to something held on to for so long and for so dear.

So no bottle the whole morning and afternoon up til her nap. After her nap we did the plan of her helping us throw away her own bottles. SHE DID. Without crying. Well from her. I teared up some not because of me missing her little hands holding her bottles as she watches TV but because, here’s my little girl, my pride and joy, acting way beyond her age and accepting the harsh truth. I fully believe she knew what she was doing. She knows what the garbage is and what happens to trash. So she fully knows what is happening to her bottles. Made me even more proud of her. Then we went to Toys R’ Us and spent over $30 bucks on various new sippy cups to help the transition more.

As of this writing it has been 4 days since no bottles. While her attitude is great and she’s not cranky nor spiteful, her intake of milk is virtually nil. Save for some chocolate milk the past couple of days she’s not touching the new sippy cups with regular milk. And although she has only asked for her “baby bottle” a few times she never cried or had a fit when I reminded her that they are gone for good. So she’s handling this better than I expected but I’m hoping by the weekend she takes to the new cups or any cups for that matter. My other fear besides her raving mad about the cold turkey was that she’d cut out milk completely, which was not our intention at all.

So in conclusion, I’m prouder of my little girl. I’m getting over my annoyance with my impatient and double-crossing wife and taking this cold turkey one day at a time. I would have preferred it until she was healthy and sticking to the original plan we conceived but so far it looks like it’s working out. But if it hadn’t than I’d be one really pissed off Poppa Penguin.

PS: Normally my wife is a wonderful, loving, responsible mother to Maddie every day. She just made this one “little” booboo. She has since apologized and has been upset at her actions all week and I fully forgive her. MWAH!

Leave a comment | posted in Daddy blog, SAHD, Stay at home Dad

May 3, 2011

The Parental Paradox

By Brad

My previous post was about my daughter’s second birthday. In these past two awesome years I have learned something that only a parent can understand. My Mom would always tell me “You’ll see [or know better] when you become a parent.” She also told me to “have fish” instead of kids. Well, truth is, she’s right on both.

As parents we:
Can’t stand to leave them, but sometimes we have to get away.
Can’t wait to see how they’ll be older, but never want them to grow up.
Want them to speak but also want them to shut up.
Want to see them walk on their own but we always want to hold their hand.
Give them an inch but regret giving them that extra foot.
Want them to sleep as much as possible but worry that they’re sleeping in too long.
Wish they could help themselves but never want them to not need you.
Take delight in seeing them have a favorite kids’ show but hate when the theme song gets stuck in your head everyday.
Like that they love to play with their toys but where did your living room go?
Love watching them eat new foods but miss being able to dine out alone.
Wonder what we’d do without them yet sometimes miss our freedom.

2 Comments | posted in Daddy blog, SAHD, Stay at home Dad

May 3, 2011

Two Awesome Years

By Brad

Yesterday was my little pride & joy’s second birthday. I would’ve wrote this post yesterday but I have been exhausted all weekend from a marathon of her party, Sesame Place and The Please Touch Museum [Which I should blog about later, I’ll try to remember] that I couldn’t find brain-power to write.

Well Maddie had a great weekend and so did we and my wife and I are extremely proud of all she has accomplished so far and how delightful a little lady she’s becoming. I, myself, cannot believe that something so beautiful and intelligent was co-created by me. I’m overwhelmed with happiness and pride in the mere short 2 years of her life. I’m certain, more than certain really, that she will become an outstanding and highly regarded young lady. She impresses and puts a smile on everyone who crosses her path.

I’m looking very forward [But it can be as slow as it can be] to seeing how much more happiness and wonder she’ll bring to my life. I am and as always honored to be her Stay-At-Home Dad.

Happy Birthday Madeleine!!! XOXOXOXOXO∞

Leave a comment | posted in Daddy blog, SAHD, Stay at home Dad